Wednesday, March 9, 2011

What Charlie Sheen and Dooce Have In Common

They are both incredibly good looking.

They have earned millions of dollars for their sponsors.

They have both been called crazy.

Some people laugh at them.

Some people think they say outrageous things.

They both need medicine.

They have both allegedly assaulted spouses.  Dooce allegedly threw a gallon of milk at her court jester, Jon Armstrong, but he forgave her the minute she placed a new Apple gadget in his eager hands.

Charlie Sheen allegedly put a knife to his spouse's throat.  I don't know if she has forgiven him for his alleged act or not.

and at the end of the day....

I think you know what I am going to say, don't you?

They both are more awesome than you could ever hope to be.

(and they have tiger blood).

I Hate Dooce

Of course I don't.

How can you hate someone who has brought such happiness to the faces of her many fans, to Maytag, and to advertisers everywhere? 

Anybody who hates her is just jealous, (insert sneering look directed at anyone pathetic enough to hate her). 

You wish you could be half the mother she is, half of the writer she is, you wish you could teach some Kim Kardashian how to change a diaper! 

You wish you got to go visit President Obama, bravely carrying the torch for harassed working mothers everywhere who have to get up at 6, get dressed, get the kids fed, dressed and to school, drive themselves to work, leave, pick up the kids from afterschool care, cook dinner, help with homework, and do laundry in a Maytag washing machine....

You wish you wrote a book about how it sucked when YOU had your first baby, and you wish you could see the look on that child's face when she realizes that her birth made her mother cry and drink!!!

No doubt about it.  If you are jealous, you are just plain crazy!

The Dooce Empire

Greetings, loved ones.

It has been a long time.

Since we last spoke, this humble housewife has become an empire. Soon Oprah will be jealous of her, if nothing else, because Dooce is so thin.

She has produced a child through the miracle of natural childbirth.

She has interfaced with a television company.

She now lives in a mansion that is fit for a Queen--which she is! and her employees, who she lovingly refers to as family.

She has photoshopped 5,884 pictures.

I knew it all along, folks. I can only stand by with awe as my dreams for her come true.

Her daughter now runs from the room when Dooce takes out the camera.

Yes, it has been an amazing journey, and as Frank Sinatra sang, "The Best Is Yet To Come."

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I'm Still Here

And have so much to talk about with you!! Stay tuned! Happy New Year, all!!!!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Target Hand Soap and Flor Tiles

Thank you Dooce for introducing me to Target hand soap and Flor tiles. I commend you for your desire to bring your unique and amazing style to us unwashed masses. I hope that one day I can be just like you, living in a stylish mansion off of blog revenue with an adorable child and handsome husband. I can't wait to see what is next in the Style section!!!

The most amazing and wonderful thing is that you are devoting your blog space to this for absolutely no compensation. Forgive me, I'm being verklempt just thinking about it.

How on EARTH can people say that you are aloof and uncaring about your devoted blog readers when you spend most of your time (when not placating a screaming 46 month old or spending much needed relaxation time with your adorable husband) thinking of ways to help us readers begin (I know I can never hope to achieve your level) to live as cool and hip as you do....

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Before We Begin, An Announcement

I do not know any inside details about the former site.
This site was stolen by a spammer.
I reported them to Blogspot.
When I saw it was available, I grabbed it.
This site will be starting up again.
Every comment will be screened, but I have decided to allow comments from everybody!
I watched the old site and learned certain lessons well.

I just hope Karen Sugarpants doesn't hate me. I am being very serious.   Karen-I have always admired you.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007